This collection offers insights from parents caring for children with trauma symptoms, often encountering extremely challenging behaviours that deeply affect family dynamics. These views reflect their shared experiences and perspectives.
“I understand that children make allegations.”
This may be for many reasons, including their inability to tell the truth afterward. What bothers me most is the use of the word “disclosure.” In the Cleveland Report, a judge stated this phrase should not be used when a child makes an allegation, as it implies fact/truth, bypassing investigation. In our case, there was no investigation. The allegation was referred to child protection, and it took the police six weeks to inform us. It stemmed from an altercation between father and son, for which the father requested police assistance. I believe our son was encouraged to make a statement, and it’s incredibly difficult for a traumatised 14-year-old to backtrack.
“I’ve heard of confabulation—this could be one reason.”
Projection of shame, low self-worth, or anger could be another. My neurodiverse child gets very involved in role-play and storytelling. Shame makes it easier to rewrite narratives, blaming others instead of facing their own pain.
“False allegations are extremely common.”
Children with reactive attachment disorders often feel justified in making these allegations as a result of eroded trust and safety in parent-child relationships. They may feel their parents deserve to hurt as much as they’re hurting.
“In our case, there’s rarely malice behind it.”
Our 11-year-old once told school her dad had punched me, but we discovered she had seen this on TV. Sometimes it’s hard for children to differentiate between memory and fiction. They might want attention or to seem more interesting.
“I was threatened with one at the weekend.”
My son shouted that he’d tell his teacher I had abused him—this over a broken TV remote. He doesn’t seem to grasp the ramifications of such a statement. Authorities often misunderstand confabulation in children with trauma and neurodiversity, leading to unnecessary stress for families.
“Unhelpful responses to allegations are a key issue.”
Children shouldn’t be automatically believed but should be listened to. I once said to school staff, “When she makes an allegation against you, I’ll take it slowly and apply critical thinking. If you could do the same for me, that would be appreciated.”
“Children present narratives to avoid shame or seek attention.”
They might feel heard or attended to for the first time, something they didn’t experience in their birth families.
“Our children’s framing of authority figures as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ creates challenges.”
Hypervigilance makes them more likely to misinterpret situations. For example, did their mother push them, or did she trip over the foot they deliberately stuck out?
“Allegations are often a result of unmet needs for control and attention.”
Unfortunately, these contexts are often left out of reports, leading to misunderstandings about families in crisis.
“Fantasy is more interesting than reality.”
Children may create stories simply because they want to be heard or feel validated, even if it’s at the expense of their parents.
“Our allegations stemmed from anger and sibling disputes.”
One of my daughters often made allegations after disagreements. Though we all knew they were false, the aftermath was devastating and out of our control.
“Our specific case involved retaliation.”
My child made a false allegation after I discovered alarming material on the dark web. Her narrative as a victim was at risk, so she resorted to self-harming and false accusations.
“FASD is a massive factor.”
Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is a prevalent but often unrecognised issue in adopted children, leading to confabulation and extreme challenges. It’s a nightmare to parent without proper support.
“Our case highlights systemic bias.”
I faced a false conviction due to corruption and discriminatory practices in the system. Families are destroyed without regard for the children being ‘safeguarded.’
“We were lucky to have a supportive PASW.”
When our daughter made a false allegation, we had a Post-Adoption Social Worker who understood us and prevented her removal. Without this, our family would have been torn apart.
“It was doomed from the start.”
Despite all our compassion, we couldn’t reach our daughter, who was hypervigilant and filled with rage. The damage from in-utero exposure and her early years was too deep, leaving us with trauma and lasting shame.
These experiences underscore the urgent need for proper training and systemic reform to support families dealing with trauma, neurodiversity, and false allegations. Families require understanding and specialised care, not blame and unnecessary suffering.