Throughout this campaign I have expressed a deep frustration about the inadequate support when families through adoption face crisis. I desire change and part of this is a need to find a way to alleviate my sense of failure and inadequacy. But for the most part I am angry at the harm done to children and families when the very opposite should be in place.

My experience is not an isolated one, and I want to advocate for change, I believe that some LA’s are guilty of professional/ corporate bullying and its awful. When raising a complaint, each area of concern was dismissed. I unlike the LA had evidence, this remained in the file, no interest in my views, no interests in the 70 key areas whereby the social worker had lied, manipulated, dismissed, or shown a significant lack of context/ consideration of the actual story of our family. I felt so discriminated against, so oppressed and so unheard.

I believe the more this goes on the more these types of social workers become *confident in their competence* in this inadequate adverse treatment of families.

What I would like to know is what do parents do when there is clear disparity of information, where their views can be evidenced? I understand the role of ombudsman, and complaint processes, but if this is an ongoing reoccurring issue effecting 1000’s of families and the evidence could be gathered to illustrate this would it not be better to change the approaches are implemented. I have communicated with many families, and my voice carries theirs, we have suffered/ are suffering due to institutional oppressive poor practise which is punitive, neglects the needs and rights of families, is criticised widely by trauma experts, and other significant professionals.

The social work practise afforded to my family was driven towards me with such force, ego, and arrogance, and was ridged, blocked, and showed no compassion, or interest in balancing information and there zero empathy or sensitivity shown. As a social worker myself I was left aghast that the system is so broken and that social workers are doing this ‘to’ families, and I remain constantly outraged about the treatment afforded to families such as mine. The damage done to my family irreparable.

A huge worry for me is (some) social workers assessing (diagnosing) issues within families where their opinion is false expertise. Is a social worker qualified to determine behaviour is a reaction to parenting rather than a trauma response, when there is significant early life trauma, and that parenting is problematic rather than considering secondary trauma, attachment issues and beyond? Often this is against all information presented by the parents (even information in CPR’s), and in my case the views went against the reports completed by clinical psychologists.

The tragic element in this is that LA’s are implementing safeguarding through the lens of child protection, which isn’t the right lens, and does not consider all elements in a balanced way. In fact, ‘our’ stories, show that the practise goes against all social work ethics and values as the information in the report was wholly inaccurate, unlawful, and discriminative as a minimum.

Whilst I fully recognise the efforts being made by many organisations etc, families such as myself are waiting, suffering, and biased practise continues uncontested, which is abhorrent, given the circumstances which we find ourselves in.

Social workers working with cases where there is early life trauma due to abuse, whether that be a family through adoption, fostering, kinship care, SGO etc should be provided with a specialist trauma expert to review, reflect, and guide decision making. This could involve crisis meetings, or consultations. Social workers do not have the qualifications to deliver this in a fair and appropriate way. I was told to respect the expert views on my family, when my views on my family weren’t heard never mind respected. Social workers are not experts on trauma, attachment, grief, loss. We need experts to support people to transform their lives and recover from trauma. Sadly many are  criticizing, condemning, patronising, judging, and bullying.

I also am of the view that there is a lack of data, policy, guidance and appropriate processes. There needs to be a new approach.

An approach that acknowledges the journey of the child, any impact on their life and ensures that there is support for the child and their parents as they navigate their life.

It is critical that parents are heard and responded to appropriate and that there is collaboration and partnership to ensure that they are held up by the professionals around, helping them through this is helping their child through this.

Child protection – blame and shame should only be used when it can be clearly and agreeably be evidenced and the decision to go down this path is defensible.

The support required for a family in crisis should be led and directed by an expert, not a social worker. Social workers are not trained experts in trauma. Support not be prescribed by someone without the qualifications to write the prescription, and any intervention should be in line with parents, wishes and needs, and values, and should always be done with not done to.

The treatment is abhorrent, discriminative, oppressive and could be unlawful.

It is important that there is also consideration of the wider issues – education, health, learning, cognitive development, and there needs to be value, treatment and acknowledgement of acquired neurological issues due to trauma.

A few quotes selected to highlight my views –

1. ‘Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood and untreated cause of human suffering. Levine and Kline.
2. Children cannot recover from their trauma without help, to process and make sense of the world following their experience. Betsy De Thierry.
3. Maltreatment is a chisel that shapes a brain to content with strife, but at the cost of deep enduring wounds. Childhood abuse isn’t something you ‘get over’. It is something that needs to be acknowledge and confronted. Martin Teicher.
4. Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime. Herbert Ward.
5. If a child’s primary experiences of care/ parenting involves neglect/ harm/ fear, they are powerless and defenceless and a threat response builds. These emotions build a self-defensive behaviour to protect and survive, fear without solution so the child buries themselves deep down to minimise the turmoil. That child isn’t going to attach normally, they can and will remain resistant. Gerhardt.
6. A child born through the cycle of survival will need to control their environment to feel some level of control as they do not know what else to do. Nobody has helped them recovery from their trauma. Bessel Van Der Kolk
7. This eventually results in a child pushing a parent away, as the cycle of survival eventually leads to a pattern whereby the child’s normal is feeling alone, and will continue until their trauma is treated, or responded to. Bessel Van Der Kolk

The imprints of trauma on the body, mind and the soul can be dealt with. The recovery process requires the intervention of therapy, and parents cannot provide their children with therapy, even if they are therapists which I am not.

I am not perfect, I have no ego, but I have gone above and beyond to love and care for my children, and when I asked for help instead of taking us from crisis closer to recovery, you swept down with your bullish, judgemental bias, and assumptions and broke the only bits left to break.