Committed to Change in Adoption (Permanence)
I am committed to building change in the world of adoption (permanence). This journey has been a rollercoaster of discovery and emotion.
I feel the adversity I have experienced as an adoptee, an adopter, and now as a social worker facing biased practices as a mother. I am frustrated by the experiences of PATCH parents and the anger surrounding how we, those in adoption crisis, are treated and viewed.
I feel we should be listened to—we should not be enduring this. We should be leading the changes, mapping out the systems that should be in place for future children within permanence, whether that is adoption, fostering, SGO, kinship, or beyond.
I can write reams of posts, articles, statements, and rants, but it doesn’t change anything. I can amplify voices, challenge views, hold meetings, and speak tirelessly about these issues.
If I am too direct, I sound like an angry witch banging a drum.
If I am not direct enough, it feels like I’m walking on water without making a ripple.
So, I sit here feeling powerless and overwhelmed, balancing my keyboard between the witch’s drum and the calm waters.
When trying to access systems failing families like mine, I find myself drawing words on the board:
Bias
Injustice
Narrow
Failing
Inadequate
I need to make ripples, and sometimes I want to bang the drum.
Imagine the Positive Impact If:
Someone listened.
Someone heard us.
Someone empathised.
And if they:
Took notice,
Zoomed out to see the real landscape,
Considered the whole child and the whole family,
And recognised:
Trauma symptoms,
The need for recovery,
The need for safety for all.
If the parent’s journey was seen,
Their experiences valued,
And the crisis acknowledged.
If children had:
Time to heal,
Access to recovery support,
Space to recover and connect.
If we were all shown compassion and empathy as adoptees and adopters through the challenges we face.
What Needs to Be Done
To achieve this, we must:
Map the landscape,
Co-write the systems and policies,
Build the foundations to restructure how adoption crises are managed.
We must support Local Authorities to:
Embed trauma-informed values,
Work with us,
Understand our experiences.
But do we really need to wait for them to be told to listen, to hear us, and to change?
Sadly, it seems so.